They came into the coaching session, guns blazing, high-energy, kind of like a bull in a china shop. There was something off. They usually come in with more clarity and focus. Today was different.
Have you ever been in a meeting where you sense that someone or something is off?
LETTING THEM PROCESS
This person showed up to our coaching session with a lot on their mind and full of tension. I thought to myself, How can we get focused on their work?
They jumped in and started to share about how busy they are, how certain people they work with and for are missing the mark, how they do not know how they will accomplish their goals, and that they don’t have enough time to do it all.
I took a deep breath and paused. I let the silence speak.
They then continued to share all about their last few days and how it has not gone to their plans. That they have been barely able to eat lunch. They are jumping from meeting to meeting. They are rushing down the raging rapids of their life.
I took a deep breath and paused. I let the silence speak.
Then they looked at me. This whole time they had not looked at me once. Their eyes were elsewhere. Their arms were displayed in movements. Somehow they looked at me. They stopped. Paused. And asked me, “What do you think about all of this?”
REFLECTIVE COMMUNICATION
I responded, “It sounds like it is a lot to you. You have expressed a lot in a short amount of time. You came into our session with a lot of energy. You were very expressive with your words and your arms. It took you about ten minutes before you made eye contact with me…”
“...I’m curious. How are you feeling right now after expressing yourself to me?”
They sat back in their chair, took a deep breath, and paused. I took a deep breath and paused with them. We let the silence speak. Then shared that they were feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and frustrated.
I reflected back to them, “You are feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and frustrated because of all that you shared with me. Is that correct?”
They answered affirmatively.
“We have an hour to work through what you would like to work through, I understand you are stressed, overwhelmed, and frustrated, what would you like to accomplish during our time together?”
That question made them pause again. They settled further into their chair. Then, they shared that they would like to continue processing what they have recently experienced and get ready for an upcoming presentation. This presentation was to decision makers that were part of what they sharing was stressful, overwhelming, and frustrating to them.
You could see the tension release from their face and body. They felt more focused, hopeful, and confident that they were moving forward in a direction that was meaningful to them.
ACTIVE LISTENING BUILDS TRUST
These types of situations happen all of the time. I either experience it with my clients, hear about it through my clients, or experience it myself.
All of us have a need to be seen, understood, and loved. "Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable." - David W. Augsburger
When someone is willing to listen, reflect, and ask questions to understand the other person and what is important to them, it creates this container and eases tension. It builds trust.
As you build trust with someone by actively listening to all that they have to say (verbal and non-verbal), you and they are able to create more clarity and develop a future that is achievable.
The next time that you experience someone that is a little or a lot off from normal, courageously listen to them, reflect back to them, and ask them a question to understand what is going on in them. The feelings provide a grounding pathway to then get more objective of what can be done. They are pieces of data that are transient and informative for how things can be accomplished.
Give it a try.
You are a Force of Awesome!
Let’s go!
I am an executive/leadership coach working with high-achieving business owners, leaders, and their teams that are working on getting to their next level of performance. You might sense that what got you here might not get you to the next achievement. Want to connect? Contact me here.
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