RESULTS ORIENTED WE ARE
We are a results-oriented society. We measure almost everything either implicitly or explicitly. So much of our economics is based on Gross Domestic Product (the importing and exporting of goods). The stock market tells us how companies and industries are performing. The amount of marriages that make it or end in divorce is measured. School systems are measured through standardized testing. How we progress through schooling and career is measured by our grades and then performance graded to the role.
It is not hard to realize that we tend to lean on action. To see results and to measure those results, requires us to take action.
However, the majority of the people that I interact with seem to, at times, find themselves lost in what they are doing. They are disengaged. They are not sure what the importance of what they’re doing has on the world and to them.
DIFFICULT CONVERSATION
I was recently with a client who is going to be having a difficult conversation with their manager. Their life situation has changed and so they have determined that their role needs to change to make room for taking care of their life priorities. They have thought through all of the details of what they want to communicate, how they want to communicate, the contingency plans, and when they want to communicate.
They were in all action. They made this assumption that since they have been thinking and planning on this for months, that when the conversation actually came, that their manager would fully understand and engage in the conversation.
So I said to them, “You have been thinking about and planning this conversation for months. How much time do you think your manager has been planning on having this conversation?”
It hit them. Oh crap! They realized that they did not take into account that their manager has spent no time at all preparing for this conversation.
CONVERSATIONS WE HAVE
I went to the whiteboard in the room we were in and drew the following:
In a leadership development program that I led for a number of years, we taught our leaders that there are three specific types of conversations that we have:
Relationship Conversations: Where we establish the expectations/norms of the relationship and why we're here.
Possibility Conversations: Where we discuss all of the options possible for a given opportunity or challenge.
Action Conversations: Where we discuss the actions we can commit to based on the possibilities and relationship.
In each cohort, we would ask the participants where they spent most of their conversations and without fail the majority would say, Action.
Not surprising.
However, how do we get to action? How do we know that the actions we are taking are right or the most effective?
Most of the conversations we tend to have lean towards an Action Conversation. However, most of the time we miss out on defining the relationship accurately, consequently not coming up with optimal possibilities, leaving our actions inadequate.
Immediately, my client started drawing this in their notebook. They started realizing that they were ready to have an action conversation, but that the relationship was going to change and that they needed to start with the relationship between them and their manager.
Not only that, they realized that they themselves have come up with possible solutions, but their manager might be able to come up with alternate solutions that could improve their actions.
Once they had this realization, they then started to outline a different plan to have this difficult conversation. One that aligned with their values and focused first on their relationship.
They could see that going through this process and using specific language to communicate what they were about to do will help them effectively lead their manager and self into a more meaningful and effective conversation, and be more productive for everyone involved.
How have you seen others have productive conversations? How have you seen others have unproductive conversations? Please share your experiences so we can all learn.
Go be a force of awesome! Let’s go!
I am an executive/leadership coach working with high-achieving business owners, leaders, and their teams that are working on getting to their next level of performance. You might sense that what got you here might not get you to the next achievement. Want to connect? Contact me here.
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