"Just do as I tell you!"
Have you ever been told, "Just do as I tell you!"?
It makes you feel like a child, doesn’t it? It might even take the wind out of your sails, leaving you with your head down, stutter-stepping away.
I’ve made a career out of not conforming to prescribed standards. A little punk rock never hurt anyone!
It hasn’t been easy, but—and it’s a big "but"—it’s been completely worth it!
Now, I recognize that I have the luxury of being able to not conform, a luxury that others might not have, and it’s important to acknowledge that.
Calling Decision-Makers & Leaders of Businesses, Teams, or Organizations
However, I’m writing to those who do have the luxury of non-conformity and are contemplating what they ought to do. These are typically decision-makers and leaders of businesses, teams, or organizations.
They might feel like something is off. They might be a little scared of the consequences of choosing a different path. They might not fully understand how they got to where they are or what to do next.
If you resonate with any of these statements, I’m so glad you’re here!
There has always been, and always will be, a quiet (or not so quiet) voice inside of you that calls you to a higher standard.
A voice that says, "This can be better."
A voice that says, "We ought to treat one another better."
A voice that says, "This doesn’t make sense."
A voice that says, "They can be better."
A voice that says, "I can be better."
Have you ever had these thoughts?
These thoughts pull you toward a place where you can break through the noise and into new possibilities—ideas that haven’t been considered, processes that haven’t been practiced, systems that haven’t been created or implemented.
Freedom Within a Framework
Here’s what I’m getting at: We all need freedom within a framework. We need enough agency and autonomy to bring our unique abilities to whatever we’re doing, whether that’s at work, volunteering, at home, in athletics, or in the classroom. We need to be able to bring it!
When we’re told or forced to conform to something without our innate will to do so, we diminish our uniqueness and ultimately lose out on opportunities.
Business is Done in Relationships
Here’s a story from my past to illustrate this further:
At a place I used to work, we had a saying, "Disagree and commit." This phrase was intended to help a person or team commit to something they ultimately disagreed with, but were willing to conform to for the "greater good" of the organization. Sometimes it worked, but most times it didn’t.
I had to "disagree and commit" a few times during my career at this company. Each time, I felt violated, discouraged, lonely, and anxious. I managed to push through these feelings and put as much trust as I could into what I conformed to, but I had a hard time consistently bringing my best to the work. Instead of properly communicating, forming strong relationships, and obtaining positive alignment, the organization was focused on expedient results. When these "disagree and commit" opportunities worked out well in the end, it provided a learning lesson for myself and others who initially disagreed, helping us reflect on what we could understand differently in the future. However, when these opportunities failed, it created a stirring of "I told you so" behavior. Resentment kicked in, time and money were wasted, relationships suffered, and trust was broken.
The short-term gains the organization hoped for ended up being losses and hurt the long-term strategy. More importantly, the relationships that made both the long- and short-term objectives possible were in trouble.
There’s another saying: You can spend an inconsiderable amount of time developing communication and relationships upfront, or you can spend a considerable amount of time fixing them on the backend. Either way, you’re going to have to address the relationships and communication!
As an executive coach, I often witness business leaders and their teams spending considerable time, money, and energy fixing communication and relationship issues instead of focusing on how to add value to their customers.
Now, I’m not saying go full punk rock here! I’m saying use discernment. I previously wrote about how the best productivity tool is conversation—relationship, possibility, and action—which you can use as a model template. Whenever you notice yourself or your team spending a significant amount of time, money, and energy fixing issues, go back to the relationships and how things are communicated.
Focus on the relationships first.
Know Yourself to Lead Yourself
List out the tendencies you or the team have in the problem situation. Note your thought patterns. Then list the actions you or the team subsequently take based on those tendencies. Then list the consequences of those actions. Finally, note the reality you or the team are in.
This process comes from a wonderful GiANT tool called "Know Yourself to Lead Yourself" and "Know Your Team to Lead Your Team."
What is that quiet voice inside of you telling you? What tendencies promote certain behaviors that you or your team have? What is the higher standard that you believe you’re being called to? Go through the exercises outlined in this article and answer these questions.
It will unlock new possibilities.
How have you seen a leader call themselves or others to a higher standard? What did they do? Please share so that we can learn and grow together.
You are a Force of Awesome!
Let’s go!
I am an executive/leadership coach working with high-achieving business owners, leaders, and their teams that are working on getting to their next level of performance. You might sense that what got you here might not get you to the next achievement. Want to connect? Contact me here.
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